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Search Results 0 to 11 of about 12 (some duplicates have been removed)
dog! >> yes, it is i, mustafa, grand viz year of the turkic hoard. welcome to obama's ottoman america! you'll be forced to play the ood eat carob and learn algebra. >> you monsters! >> now, steven, might i interest you in some turkish delight? (laughter) >> stephen: no! no! no thank you. >> oh, it's a tender candy scented with rose water. >> stephen: rose water? oh, that does sound delightful! i shall try one! oh! (laughter) oh, it is scrumptious. >> ha ha ha! now you're mine! come join my harem. >> stephen: no, no! you've got to fight ottoman delicacy with an anti-ottoman delicacy. a croissant. yes, the croissant, created in 1683 to celebrate the victory over the ottomans at the battle of vienna. its crescent shape marks the moon upon your plant. >> no, not the light and flaky pastry of my people's darkest hour! >> stephen: b gone, turk! >> no! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: oh-- thank you. thank you, congressman louie gohmert for warning us against the ottoman menace. but remember, sir, you're from texas. obama's probably also reviving the empire of montezuma and his as tech warr
i blame? barack obama. (laughter) oh, i have been warning you for years about his kowtowing to islamic extremists. well, now the chicken shawarma has come home to roost-- in a catastro-pita. during the past arab spring obama let radical imams lead an uprising against our radical friends in the middle east. >> you go back to the beginning of the arab spring and this administration did everything in its power to dislodge two key u.s. allies-- hosni mubarak and moammar qaddafi. knowing the replacements would be muslim brotherhood and other islamists. >> well, it's a new-- if they knew that i am angrier than i am now. >> stephen: oh my-- oh, my god! sean hannity is capable of being angrier at any given moment than he actually is at that moment! (laughter) he has torn a rift in the space-anger continuum! (laughter) folks, obama's complete lack of loyalty to our murderous dictator allies doesn't just enrage me-- and the loud hole at the top of sean hannity's neck-- it also is raising a red flag for texas congressman and forehead american louie gohmert. jim? >> thank you, president
with the romney-ryan plan or it's four more years of barack obama. so even obama did get some good economic news. >> these job numbers show that the president has recovered every single job lost on his watch and then some. that makes the president a net job creator. >> stephen: there it is. obama is a net job creator. so congratulations to robert baird, the guy who got the job. (laughter) but millions of americans are still looking for work. particularly low skilled workers with no high school diploma who face a 12% unemployment rate. now my heart goes out to those blue color workers. all they know how to do is make stuff while we white collar workers have the education necessary to check our e-mail. the problem is, america has lost its good manufacturing jobs to places of cheap unregulated labor like china, vietnam, and the gulag beneath disney world. faster, chakor, they're running out of mickey pretzels. now how-- how is the u.s.-- mickey. (laughter) all for mickey, please don't sue. now how, how is the u.s. supposed to compete with countries where workers toil for pennies an hour? luckily, o
photturing lesbians of scandinavian des ent. well this year with what obama's economy i had to share our number with what another line. so press 6, only if are you dial ---888-o mrs. lex for tickets to the off, off, off, off broadway show about lex luther's troubled marriage. take a listen. >> hello, you've reached the hotline for tickets to o mrs. lex, the hit comedy of love, sex and lex. here's a taste. >> how's our sex life? let's just say superman is not the only one who lives in a fortress of solitude. >> to order tickets to o mrs. lex stay on the line. updates also cancelled no refunds. >> stephen: to remember, if you would like to atone for your sins that number is 1-888-oops-jew. wow, the calls are starting to come already. shalom, how have you wronged me. >> hey, stephen, this is ira glass. >> ira glass, host of public radio this american life. i recognized your voice because hi the sudden urge to pledge $50 for a dr. who fannie pack. so ira what is your apology. >> stephen, i apologize for never having you on this american life. >> yes. >> so tonight my apology to stephen colbe
is here to talk about obama's relationship with the supreme court. i hear it's under the robe; over the gavel. (laughter) wal-mart is turning 50 years old. it's finally old enough to be a greeter at itself. (laughter) this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) . >> stephen: whoo! whoo! whoo! come on! (audience chanting "stephen") folks-- (audience chanting "stephen"). (cheers and applause) folks, folks, i've got to tell you, no matter-- sometimes i think the world is a dark cave, but you are always my light at the end of the tunnel. (laughter) welcome to th to the "report," everybody. thank you for joining us. nation, i have always hated change. that's why i'm solidly against transformers, shrinky-dinks and air caterpillars. (laughter) and don't tell me you've always felt like a butterfly trapped in a lava's body, it's unnatural. (laughter) folks, i was truly upset when i heard my favorite newspaper, the "u.s.a. today" was getting a dramatic redesign. turns out i was worrying for nothing because, in a digital e
certain of, it's the clinton global initiative. how many years is this now. >> eight. >> here is what is going to be, you are going to there, president obama is going to be there. mitt romney is going to be there. condoleezza rice is going to be there. egyptian president mohammed morse sygoing to be there. how do you get knees people... what kind of food do you serve? how do you get a group like this together in cooperation to move forward? what's the pitch? >> and the leader of libya is going to be there. and the american people will hear from him that he really liked the american ambassador who was killed. and that they tried to save his life. and that he wants america to stay there. >> jon: right. >> so there are a lot of interesting things. but we started doing this, they come because it's at the opening of the u.n.. a lot of them are going to be in new york. we invite them all to come. we invite many of them to participate. ellen general son turley, nobel prize winning president of liberia, a good friend of mine, she has been to a lot of our programs, a lot of these people come y
Search Results 0 to 11 of about 12 (some duplicates have been removed)